No C Notes??

So I'm finally back at work after the long hectic weekend. I needed just a day to recoup.. chile my back, legs and arms were all sore.. I never knew that tailgating was so much physical work! I have a new found appreciation for all those folks who let me crash their tailgate with beer in hand as a peace offering! I will never ever ever again try and cook and feed 20-30 mofo's AGAIN! I had a great weekend with alot of pitfalls, unexpected results, and alot of hard work. I managed to burn my arm on the grill Sunday, lose my cell phone during the game, and get the worst migraine in migraine history!

My gripe today has to deal with the Raider organization and the fact they don't have their stuff together.. and I'm not just speaking for the on the field shenanigans of losing the game.. Here's my dilemma...

I had all week to go by the coliseum to purchase my tickets.. I mean the same road I travel to and from work, I pass by it twice a day.. naw but that would have been too much like right. So day of the game I'm in line trying to purchase tickets. Now I think I'm being pretty smart by carrying cash and leaving my credit cards at the tailgate area. I've got a $100 bill and some $20's so I figure I should be able to purchase two tickets easy right?? No ma'am.. the Raiders want me to jump through hoops and do somersaults before I can enter the gates. So as I walk up to the counter I ask the lady behind the 3 inch thick Plexiglas how much the cheapest tickets for today's game are. She tells me $71 a piece.. okay well I'm a fan.. I'm already late.. so yeah I'll take em. As I reach in my pocket and pull out my money she reminds me very kindly that she doesn't accept bills over $20

WHAAAT?? I have a choice - go back to the tailgate and retrieve my credit cards or find change.. Now where in the hell am I going to find change for a hunnered? I ask a few attendants where I can get change and they point me in the direction of the Raider store, but when I get there it's blocked off by a gate so now I have to yell through the gate to ask the guy behind the counter for change... dayum he don't have none (liar.. I see your cash drawer) so a kind Raider fan in line comes to my rescue and gives me change for the bill. Now I make a mad dash back to the line which has now grown exponentially due to fans of the A's (ARE YOU FRIGGING SERIOUS?? You pick today of all days to come get tickets for a game that ain't even going on today...) but they have a credit card and the first card gets declined. So the fan pulls out another card and that is declined as well, but by this time the fan knows this one has money on it for sure so instead offers to pay cash (wrong move buddy) and gets the same answer I do.. so now I'm back in front of the lady who sent me on a wild goose chase in the first place and now the tickets have gone from $71 to $81 a piece...

Let's just say next time I'm buying my tickets in advance and I'm bringing them mofo's all $1's... count that bish!

It's so hard in the "O"....

I just couldn't wait to upload this video.. this was the tailgate and the folks I call my Raider fam! You can hear me oh so distinctly in the background as I'm livening up the crowd. We had a ball even though the Raiders lost by a horrible 10 points.. 7 of which should have never been scored..

But I digress..

Some things you can't make up.. some things you can't pretend.. love is one of those things and I'm glad I got to spend a day with the people that matter most in my world of being a Raider fan!

(from left to right, top to bottom) Jazzy Pha, Niakins, Anna Banna, Wifee, Coley Cole, Kita, Mr Husband (check out the new name given ya'll.. LOL!!)

(Dayum.. Raider fans don't PLAY!!)

And how in the calculus, fraction, whole numbered hell did we lose this game by 10 points???? Hmph!!!

We are not that different...

It was a cold crisp afternoon when my coworkers and I arrived at our destination. We had driven for miles upon scenic routes with plenty of stops along the way that included jewelry stores and ceramics, beads, shells and things.. *like you don't remember Crooklyn* but what mattered most to me was our actual destination. Coming from a small town, I was a girl growing up knowing that I was the "third" black "person" to go to my elementary.


*WHOLE UP*


Now please don't act like I was talking about slavery or some ish like that.. nah.. I'm not that old, BUT - I do have my perspective about growing up in "middle class" white America. Yes I was the product of a childhood which had reached the promised land.. white chilluns and black chilluns (only 3 blacks in Newark, Ca in 1973) could all rejoice.. or some mess like that. Nope I spent my elementary years in an average white middle class town.. next...


*2 mins & 2 secs are over - tell me you remember Love Connection... ROFL*


So back to the story right? Okay.. ahem.. so we arrive at our destination which happens to be the Mendocino Lighthouse quarters.. pretty ain't it?

But what they failed to tell the yt folks who happened to travel this distance with me was that I had a fear of all things "wildlife" Yup.. I'm afraid as a city girl in a room full of bats - of anything wild life.. I even had an issue with my daughter appreciating the fine art of the WWF (World Wrestling Foundation) until they officiallly changed it to WWE (Fake Arse BS) so yeah I get it... and now so do the yt folks I used to work for...



As we embarked one day onto the covered terrace for lunch after a meeting which entailed multiple choice questions (ain't this a vacation??) we mosied over to where we would be able to relax.. chill.. eat.. smoke a blunt (this was the before "I quit mode" - remember?) I went out and tried to saunter over to where all my coworkers had assembled. Before I could step out the back door.. one of my crazy yt coworkers decided this was the perfect time to feed the raccoon family leftovers from our breakfast.. but c'mon peeps! I read the sign clearly on the front of the refrig that said:

Please do not feed the raccoons... they will come back with more representatives of their family and are sometimes aggressive...yada.. yada.. yada.. blah.. blah.. blah





So not only do you mofo's not care about the fact we getting ready to have a pack of coons (no pun intended) at our backdoor, but your silly behinds ain't doing nothing to stop the crazy heffa at the back door? Okay.. I see...

And I'm out the front door like a thief in the night.. robbing and stealing.. um wait.. is that a raccoon standing on it's hind legs??... uhhhhhh why he hissing at me round the corner... aww ish.. is that his auntie in the cuts lickin her chops at my sammich?

Before I hit the front door and the yt folks could ask me wassup... ALL OF EM followed right behind me and not a nar nada mofo asked me why or what I was running from until we got to safety (i.e. behind a closed and locked door)

Moral.. we're not all that different if you look closely

Obama 08!!!

Busy Bee!

Well since this is one of the busiest times of year for me, I've made the decision to hold off posting for a minute and will resume on Monday 9/29/08. I've got my hands full since I've been "volunteered" *SEOD to Kita* to help cook at our tailgate for 50 hungry people this year. It will be our 5th annual Raiderfans.net tailgate this Sunday against the Chargers and I will be in full effect! If you look real close at the pic above.. I'm holding the sign in the front.. mouth wide open.. yeah that's how most people see me at a Raider game.. always talking ish! And on top of all that.. my birthday is this Friday (whoo hooo Libras!) and I plan on being loadedededd!



Check out my fam with all the hot messes, gossip, music and just plain ole funny ish!

http://theredreport.blogspot.com/

http://wordizz.blogspot.com/

http://somuchdramainthelbc.blogspot.com/

http://twoditzybroads.blogspot.com/

http://www.hhu2.blogspot.com/

http://thafeedback.com/

http://www.gimmethegoodies.com/

And the newest addition.. OMG.. just some hot tailed messes.. NSFW, but funny all the same:

http://youknowyoudeadazzwrong.blogspot.com/

Teenagers = Crazy.. Period!

Whoo Lawd.. you ever had your patience tested to the nth degree?? My daughter is a walking set of flippy floppy emotions.. it's like watching a tennis match somedays. This morning I swear it took all the strength I have in my body to not yell "Oh come the eff ON!! Are you serious??" Here's a prime example why all parents should just put all teenagers on a remote island until age 19.. then they can come back and join society as "normal" people and not the brain damaged emotional creatures they are now.


She woke up this morning and began her day with cereal (I buy that good stuff N0days0ff.. Cocoa Puffs BABY!) and then she gets dressed.. somewhere in the midst of coming up the stairs her mood switches from "I'm cool" to "Insane crazy teenager"




Today's dilemna.. the PE coach wants her to get in the pool first thing in the morning.. now most of you probably are siding with her at this point because of the "black girl" hair issue.. and for the yt folks - she would come out of the pool like this:


So yeah I understand this, but the attitude doesn't stop there.. oh no.. that would be too much like right! She then has beat box air blowing fit with her books.. you know the "spshhhh" and "argghhh" and "maaaaaaan" but she's very careful to not look at anyone for fear of a quick backhanded round off cross her bottom lip. Now a new dilemna surfaces.. not only does she not want to get in the pool, but she doesn't want to take a shower in the gym because they can see her...and throughout it all I'm just sitting there looking at her like she is officially 51/50

I mean.. if you already have to get in the pool.. you're wet.. why is taking a shower with all girls in there such a big deal? They have the same thing you do. But all this does is bring tears.. because now I'm an insensitive mother.. which brings me back to my original point.. "Oh come the eff ON!! Are you serious?"

Mr Wifee needs to "Wife" Wifee

From the request of N0daysoff.. I'm forced (just kidding) to give you more info on "Mr Wifee" - by the way he hates this name - so I'm going to update it and call him by his almost legal name "Krazy Kwame" The name fits him to a tee.. he's what I would consider my modern day caveman.. don't give him nothing to fix.. he'll just smash it and buy another.. but he always seems to have patience for his "kids".. and me of course.. you can't think it's easy to deal with me on a day to day, but he does and I gotta give hime props for that.

Krazy Kwame or KK as we'll soon call him has been taking his sweet time with getting my ring to me on bended knee. There are a few reasons why.. here's the jist of it in a nutshell:

• He has three children by two previous relationship (one marriage) and all are almost grown - the eldest being 19.
• Speaking of the "marriage" it was less than a year and done as one of those "I know we're too young, but let's get hitched anyway.. *smh*
• He got drunk before the wedding... ain't that a sign that you shouldn't be doing that mess?
• With this recession most of us are living paycheck to paycheck - savings is a thing for the rich folk
• His only brother finally married his "common law" wife after 32 years and then tried to kill her.. no seriously folks - I think this is the biggest fear he has.. not that he would do me bodily harm, but men are so stubborn about expressing their emotions and dude just snapped.

So with these things on his mind, it's hard to say when Wifee will actually be wifed. I know he loves me without a doubt.. I know he would bend hell in half to rescue me.. I know he would drink a Red Bull and sprout wings for me if he had too.. but this waiting is getting to me. We've had serious conversations, "not-so" serious conversations and everything in between. He still won't give me a definite date or an answer as to when he's going to pop the question. It's not even a question of "will he.." but more of a "when will he?" And what's making me even more anxious is the fact that my very best friend of 30 something years is finally getting married in the Domincan Republic next year after 5 years of dating. Isn't that the magic number? I mean how long should a dilligent faithful sista wait before she's proposed too? I'm not jealous about her pending nuptials.. I just always assumed that I would be the one to hop the broom first. On top of that.. I'm the eldest of 3 younger siblings... all have been hitched with the exception of one (and now even she can get married in the state of California)

So when in the hell is Wifee going to get her trip down the aisle? Advice readers???

Football.. Schmootball...

This is my prayer to the Almighty Sweet Lemony Scented Baby Jesus (yup I stole it IPS) I can't take the heartache much longer.. so this sobriety thing will have to go on hold till my Raiders win again.. I can't take losing AND being sober.. it's just too much!!

They played well yesterday (defense) and if we can just get the oline in a consistent move down the field we'll be alright.. *sigh* I guess 2010 it is as Eb the Celeb has predicted. All I know is it's not happening today, tomorrow, this season or the next....



Tis all till my Raiders win again...

Friday Flashback #2

(Watch out dur now!)

Today's Friday Flashback is going to theme some of the original pioneers of hip hop. With the onset of the VH1 Hip Hop Honors which airs 10/6/08.. I want to drag you back down memory lane with the first Honorees of 2003 when it first aired:



Two years ago.. a friend of mine asked me to say.. (ya'll know the rest!)



I think.. I think very deeply...



You always was a black queen mama!!

Enjoy your Friday ladies and gents.. we'll pick this thing back up on Monday!

Back to School Night

So last night was my turn to go a day in my daughter's life as a freshman in high school. The evening began in the auditorium of Oakland Tech - which is one of the best schools in Oakland to attend. Just a few notable famous people have graduated from here:

John Brodie ‘52: All-American QB at Stanford, All-Pro for San Francisco 49ers.
Gabriel Carroll ‘01: International Math Olympian, Harvard University Grad.
Ron Dellums ‘53 : Mayor of Oakland, former Member U.S. House of Representatives
Rockmond Dunbar: Actor
Clint Eastwood ‘49: Academy Award winning actor, producer and director.
Curt Flood: All-Star outfielder for St. Louis Cardinals.
Len Gabrielson: Former Major League baseball player w/Dodgers, Giants, Cubs
Alexis Gray-Lawson: Cal basketball, 2005-06 Pac-10 Freshman of the Year
Devanei Hampton: Cal basketball, 2006-07 Pac-10 Player of the Year.
Rickey Henderson: All-time Major League Baseball leader, stolen bases & runs.
Ted Lange: actor, ‘The Love Boat’
Cookie Lavagetto: Former Major League Baseball player and manager.
Terrell Lowery: Former Major League Baseball player, Cubs, Devil Rays, Giants.
Marshawn Lynch: 2007 1st round draft pick of Buffalo Bills, Cal running back.
Tony Martin: American actor and traditional pop singer.
Rod McKuen: best-selling American poet
Abbas Milani: Iranian-American historian, Iranologist, Professor and author.
Harold ‘Brick’ Muller: 3-Sport Cal All-American, 1920 Olympian
Huey P. Newton: Co-founder and leader of the Black Panther Party.
Wolfe Perry: Stanford Basketball 1976-79, actor in The White Shadow TV series.
The Pointer Sisters: Grammy Award-winning R&B group and recording act.
Leon Powe: Boston Celtics, Cal basketball 2003-04 Pac-10 Freshman of the Year.
Quentin Thomas: University of North Carolina Basketball.


I feel priveleged to be able to send my daughter to such an enriched school - away from hoodratted, ghettofied, nignant chillens up the street from my home. So as our day begins with announcements and welcome addresses from the staff.. then we're off to the races.. 15 minutes per class for all 6 periods. Now I remember high school, but if I tell you her school is HUGE! I have a renewed respect for her.. and not only the fact she found all 6 classes on the first day, because after walking (half jogging) around that entire school from class to class I was out of breath and ready to pass out!! I would have quit the first day and called it a wrap.. it's a maze in that place!



The teachers were really attentive and knew my daughter by sight.. they all had wonderful things to say about her.. even one teacher offered her extra credit for the fact that her parents showed up that night and another let her take her test over again for a higher grade. But you know I can't end this story with no drama.. that wouldn't be fair would it? Yeah you know it's always one in the bunch to just make you shake your dayum head... this one was her Spanish teacher. Now as I walk into the class and seat myself to her speech already in progress (told you the school is maze.. we got lost) I noticed that this wasn't a woman of hispanic descent.. hmm okay no harm no foul there especially if you know what you're doing.. so as I sit down, my daughter leans over to tell me something in my ear.. if I tell you that ghettofied teacher glared at me and her as if she was gonna whip out her belt on ME? Whoa.. holllle up! This lady don't know me like that!! Then she tried to play it off and told me that she was "smiling" at my daughter instead... now my instincts tell me "Tell that heffa she got a mama.. how bout you let me do my thing and you do what you do.. I GOT this!!" But my better judgement told me to just smile a fake smile and ignore this woman who's been obviously teaching so long she thinks I'm her student..




Other than that.. I had a wonderful time with the teachers, parents and students of Oakland Tech.

Day one (again) of sobriety

Okay so I failed at day one yesterday because as soon as I got home, there was a nice neat wrapped present waiting for me.. guess the weed fairy does exist. Well I couldn't just waste it.. that is agains the rules in this post. So of course I'm back at day one again, but I will get through this ya'll..

Shouldn't I be following some steps or some ish? They don't have a program for us weed smokers and I'm gonna need a sponsor or something.. because if I go home one mo gain and there is a present waiting for me - I'm not sure if I'll have the strength to say no.





I've never turned down "free" weed in my life and I sure as heck ain't trying to start.. I mean I am.. but dayum this is rough ya'll... and Cali has some of the best sticky icky... I think I may need to move to Wisconsin or some ish where that bamma weed will make you get a headache trying to smoke it so you have no problem quitting...

Tis all for now..

Where's Mr Wifee?

Okay so I've spent alot of time on this blog talking about my child (who's doing great with her phone ya'll) and politics, music, coworkers and all, but there is one very important piece of my life that I haven't discussed... I know ya'll wondering - why she call herself wifee?? Is she married? How come she don't talk about her husband at all? Well I've come to answer all of those questions plus more. I've never been married, but rather gained this fantabulous name from this video:



And the name stuck ever since. I've been in a relationship for the past six years and yes ladies.. I'm working on him about my mofo rang! He is the quintessential gentleman and my best friend. He takes out the garbage (without asking) cooks, cleans, and knows his way around a backrub and bubble baths. He's a school teacher for middle school aged children and I'll be dayumed, but I still don't understand how he has patience for other people's children. Just the other day we were having a conversation about one of his "kids" and the fact that they were in the middle of a fight.. one of the mothers of the little heathen girls drove up while they were in mid swing (like she got the batcall)




This grown heffa got out the car and was slanging dem bow's right alongside her daughter.. well ya'll to me this is beyond ghetto, beyond fuckery.. beyond fail.. this lands in the realm of ass whoopin for the momma. How do you expect to raise law abiding children when your nignant behind can't stay out of "children's drama" Why wasn't her first reaction to break up the fight?? So you just want to go to jail eh? Must have missed the cell bars because from the way she reacted it sounds like she's been there before.

Everyday there's a new story about these tomfuckery children and their drama.. but that will be for another post.. today I need to hear from my readers on the best way to approach this "rang" situation. I've tried to ask politely.. give ideas as to what I like.. I've also even said I don't want a big wedding - I'd be comfortable with the courthouse - just as long as it gets done. Ladies? Gents? My patience is growing thin, but it's not like I'm going to jump up and leave him for some other woman to snatch up.. No ma'am! I know when I've got it good.. I just can't get over this stalling. What say you?

Day one of Sobriety

I don't like this ish.. 24 hours.. no weed.. and 14 people cussed out! I feel like Pookey on New Jack City.. it be calling me mayne.. it's calling me!

Well I'm taking a break today to get my head straight, but I'll be back tomorrow with good news.. till then check out some of the family and their blogs:

The Red Report - If this is love.. hate me!

Word Izz - Remember when?

Two Ditzy Broads - Why Wednesdays

HHU2 - No One in November

So Much Drama in the LBC (dis fool right chur ROFL!!) - Liptons

The Goodie Bag - Kill me now

Or scroll down to my e-friends below and give em a holla!

Dueces!

Wifee

Set the Weed Free..

I've been doing my usual run of reading all my favorite blogs today and ran across Word Izz with a very interesting tidbit.. it appears that Nate Dogg has suffered two strokes and there is info out there linking weed smoking to stroke - Check out what Sane had to say here.

Okay so I'm not going to lie.. I get up and go to bed by the Mary Jane.. calms my soul and makes me not cuss out folks on a regular... I can hit the blunt twice in the morning and when I'm on my way to work - all the traffic and crazy drivers don't matter none.. I used to think this helps my high blood pressure.. but to the contrary I may be doing myself a very big disservice. There are all kinds of weed smokers in the world and if I had to categorize myself it would be the "luxury" smoker - and by definition that would mean that I only smoke the best stuff in town and would say "no" if you try to give me some bammer weed. There are also rules of which I am truly accustomed too:

• The most important rule is: Thou shalt SHARE your weed! Don't smoke alone, if there are other people around. Let the others share in your smoke, even if you spend your last money on that weed. Even if you've sold your mother to be able to buy it. EVEN if you don't like the other people that much. There are no excuses. Nothing is worse than having to look at someone who's smoking a fatty all by himself. So don't be greedy.
• The person who rolls the joint (no matter whose weed it is) gets to spark up the joint and gets first hits.
• If the joint/bong is passed to you, don't smoke too much. A good rule is: puff, puff, pass!
• After passing the pipe or bong around after taking your hit, always pass the lighter with the pipe or bong, never hold it and forget about it unless the bowl is cherry.
• If someone rolls a nice joint, its good to give the person a compliment on his rolling skills...
• If smoking from a bong or a joint, never put the whole thing in your mouth and get it all sopping wet.. it's disgusting and it messes up the joint.

I see that it is going to be an uphill battle to stop doing one of my favorite pass times. It's so much a part of my life that every month when I budget my money.. weed is always on the list.. you know rent, lights, weed, cable.. so this is going to be hard, but my health is waaay more important than my sense of joy when that sticky icky reaches my lips. Lawd.. somebody point me in the direction of the nearest rehab - this ain't gonna be easy!

Common Sense Ain't Common *Part Deux*

Okay so as most of the world is going through drama regarding their homes and this morning I see that not only Fannie Mae and crew, but now alot of other home lenders (Lehman, AIG and Merrill Lynch) are going under it's no wonder our economy is in the trouble it is. Alot of average home owners are losing their property and I thought I would be one of the ones who would not be scathed by this dibacle as a renter.. but alas I've also been caught up. It came to my attention about three weeks ago that our duplex would be sold as of September 10th (and it was kind of hard not to notice a sign taped to our gate) so I was outraged when I found out that my landlord had not only defaulted on his loan, but had not made a single solitary payment since April of 2007. So I contacted him that day when I got the notice, his response to me was to wait and find out who the new owners would be and they had no right to make me move. He also stated the obvious - I wouldn't have to pay rent for September.. uh... duh!! Why would I continue paying my rent if you no longer own the property?

Well needless to say this was pretty much self-explanatory to me... but Lawd if I tell you it's not for everybody. The new owners took over right away last week and scheduled an appointment for me to sign my new lease and do a walk-through on my apartment. The new owners had attempted to contact my neighbor through several occassions and she never responded.. even when I went next door to ask her trifling man if he could pass the message on to her.. no call.. no nothing. I knew she had seen the notice regarding the sale, because she was the one to rip the notice down and leave it in the driveway (did I mention she was trifling too) So it was not a surprise to her at all. While handling my business this weekend, the new owner noticed that she was home and rang her doorbell. After a lengthy conversation (of which I was trying not to appear too nosey - but heck I gotta know) I waited for him to leave and asked her.. "So what do you think of the new owner?" She was very coy in saying.. "Well they are alright, but I didn't know that I wasn't supposed to pay the old owner the rent for September and he just told me to take that as a loss"



You big dummy!! Why on God's green earth would you pay rent to a person who no longer owns the property??? And now you mad huh? Yeah the new owner wants his rent too... ROFL! I swear I shouldn't be laughing at her misery, but if I could just pour out an ounce of my common sense and give it to her - she'd at least be ready to sue the old landlord for her security deposit.. that dumb bunny looked at me amazed when I told her I'm taking him to court because that money belongs to me now...



All I can say is common sense ain't never been common and Sweet Minty Jesus needs to rain down some Hurrican Ike sized good judgement on my trifling neighbor....

Flashback Friday

Now all of my blogging friends have at some point posted old school flashback music or memories, now it's time for Wifee to go old school on dat a$$..

WHAT YA'LL KNOW BOUT DIS HUR!?




UMC's with that blue cheese.. cheesey blue!!



Reppin the Yay Areaaaaa! Rappin 4-tay with Playa's Club.. membership is based on clout..



Ya'll ain't knowing nothing about my boy's Busta original crew - Leaders of the New School - Just another case of that ole PTA...

Okay ya'll now I'm over here doing the whop by my desktop.. enjoy your Friday!!!

Wifee Keeps her Word

Well I bet you're wondering if my daughter was able to get her cellphone back.. well the two weeks have passed and taking on the advice of my readers and my own common sense brought me to the conclusion that she had time served and was able to get her precious cellphone back.. but with some new conditions. She had to sit with me and delete every boy's number in her phone and once complete, delete all inappropriate messages. I told her that I could pull her account at anytime to see if she is deleting messages or phone calls, because now she must turn her phone into me every evening at 8:30 pm and she will get the phone back the next morning... Lawd I had her so spooked that I could retrieve this info (I have no idea if I really can - but sure will keep her a$$ honest won't it) So I now have a teenager who has an extra appendage to the side of her head again... Lawd pray for me ya'll!!

Wifee's Pet Peeves

*picks up microphone*

Ahem.. is this thing on?? Today's topic will be about my pet peeves.. and the many people who help to perpetuate my disdain for these things.. I have been trying my Godly best to not go off on my coworker today, because normally I can tollerate her talkative a$$, but today.. maybe it's that PMSing time of month or the planets are out of alignment.. whatever the reason... I can't stand the following:

• If you see me sitting at my desk working hard (or looking like I am) don't you even dare sit your raggedy arse in the chair next to me like we having a conference when all you have to discuss is what you used to do with the account I'm working on now... Look if I need advice or a trip down memory lane I will be more than happy to stop by your cubicle to get an earful.. but until then - STAY OUT MY DAMN CUBE WITH THAT NONSENSE!!
• If you happen to overhear my conversation and even if you have the remotest idea of what I'm talking about.. that DOES NOT give you the right to butt your nosey behind into my cubicle when I hang up the phone just to give me your 15 minutes worth of useless conversation about absolutely not a nar nada! Stay your clueless a$$ on the other side of the cubicle wall unless you want to catch a bottle to the head (yeah I work for a glass distributor ROFL)
• Every morning I do not need you to stand at my cubicle door with 20 minutes of what the hell you did last night when your old ass ain't did nothing but go home, take a geritol and pet your cats YOU LONELY HEFFA!! I'm going to go out and find you some friends so you can leave me the hell alone!
• You got one mo gain to interrupt me when I'm talking to somebody else and put your half a pennies worth of gibberish and never apologize for being so rude. You lucky the person I was talking to didn't just molly whop your a$$ because I hear this ain't the first time you've disrespected her.
• Next time you feel the need to have 50-11 conversations in one day with me.. stop yourself.. think do I really want her to cuss me out today? Hmmm.. nah.. then turn around like the hokey pokey and DISMISS YOURSELF!!

Whew... I'm spent...

*drops microphone*

My very own first award!! *faints*

Wow.. where do I even start my acceptance speech? Ooh I know.. first I would like to thank my daughter who is a never ending source of good stuff to talk about. I'd also like to thank my cannibus supplier for his timely deliveries in order to get my posts out to you with no fluff or added preservatives. I would also like to thank other people's kids - because without you - I wouldn't be such a good mother. To the two ditzy broads who bestowed this precious sentiment on me - THANK YOU!

Now as I've heard there are rules to this thing so here they go:

1. When you receive the prize you must write a post showing it, together with the name of who gave it to you and link them back.
2. Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in their content or design.
3. Show their names and links and leave them a comment informing them they were prized with the Honest Weblog Award.
4. Show a picture of those who awarded you and those you gave the prize to, (optional).
5. Then you pass it on.
6. The guys before me added 10 things about themselves & I'm keeping with the trend, (optional).

So here's who is getting the award from me:

1. The Red Report - A. Red
2. Tha Feedback - The IPS
3. Mytwothree - Jay Curtis
4. Word Izz - Sane
5. So Much Drama in the LBC - N0daysoff
6. The Goodie Bag - Odara
7. The Renaissance Black Woman - Eb the Celeb

Now for the 10 things you don't know about me:

1. I used to sell automobiles for a living and still can't drive a stick to save my life
2. I collect elephant statues in my spare time
3. I've lived in the deep south and sometimes speak with a southern drawl (only when I'm trying to be cynical)
4. I hate it when people talk and talk and talk and ain't talking bout NOTHING!
5. I feel like stupid people should be annihilated off the face of the earth
6. I realized trying to come up with more things about myself is getting a little more difficult
7. I love pets, but can't own them.. I'm a serial pet killer (by accident of course)
8. I still have a crush on Scott Baio from Happy Days and Charles in Charge (don't you dare laugh Chrissy & Bahama)
9. When I retire I'm moving to Mexico.. and if McCain wins the election that may be alot sooner than I think..
10. My car has alot of dents in it... but that keeps mofo's out my way when I'm coming down the road.. yes I WILL HIT YOU!

Again thanks for bestowing this award on me and I will continue to keep keeping it real round yonder!!

Music makes the Wifee's World go round...

My musical taste include the old school hip/hop, r&b and neo soul, but I can enjoy almost any genre of music from country, gospel, rock and even a little of that new hip/hop (not much though) but my daughter's taste in music is interesting (for lack of a better word) Yesterday as we are discussing our day, she makes mention of the VMA awards (for a complete recap - check out The Red Report) and the fact that the Jonas Brothers performance was the best. Uhhh you mean the little squeaky voiced virgins who couldn't hold a note? (Note: I am in no circumstances making fun of virgins) I just had to ask her.. what's the appeal? I mean back in my day I had New Edition *hums Candy Girl* and we had Duran Duran (YES.. me likey) I even tolerated Color Me Badd with that infectious tune. But the Jonas brothers screams 2008 NKTOB without the ability to carry a tune live. My daughter looked at me in utter horror as if I had shot her puppy and tried several times to convince me of their "talent". It's funny when it's somebody she likes.. they have "talent" but when she doesn't like them (anymore) *waves at Bow Wow* She sees them as a waste of human space.


Well I'm not convinced and I even tried to listen to the video above and catch some semblance of a song that I might enjoy and unfortunately... they have not only failed via a live performance, but they have also failed at my pocket book too. I wouldn't spend a red cent on this crap! They sound like Maroon 5 fetuses (and I like Maroon 5) but the screaching just doesn't stop.. and what in the world is up with the Top Flight Security guard in the video?? He had parts and all.. kind of like a low budget P Diddles.. nope I'm not buying this and want to hear what you think?

Damn Raiders...

Now as you know I'm a huge Raider fan.. yeah we lost 41-14 last night (no you're not dyslexic.. that was the score) and I promised I didn't want to talk about this travesty today, but the sting has worn off some (a little hence the picture) but I came to vent about the characters at my job who think the loss is funny. Why did some old YT lady who's never ever even watched past the first quarter of a football game come and run to me first thing this morning and tell me "Wow the Raiders sucked last night" How about you take a tall glass of STFU on your way out of my cubicle before you get hit with a Raider embossed heavy cofee mug (and I don't even drink coffee) How you gonna tell me my team sucks when your team lost Sunday too?? *waves at Niner fans*

Then if that ain't enough, my bosses boss comes by my cubicle and says.. "Wow your Raiders were HORRIBLE last night.. what happened?"

MOFO what you mean what happened?? We lost BIATCH! (had to throw some Too Short on that last syllable) Do you need a recap? They scored.. and scored.. and scored.. and scored.. and we DIDN'T!!!

Let's not even mention the voice mail first thing this morning from my drunken sales rep who happened to attend the game, but is a Viking's fan, but couldn't resist leaving me a message that sounded like this: "What in the hell happened to your sorry a$$ Raiders? They suck a$$! I can't believe I just sat through that horrible show of football.. your quarterback's iq is registered on his jersey.. yeah iq of 2 - that's it.. the Raiders need lessons on protecting the football.. no pass rush.. oh man you guys suck"

Never so much in my life have I wanted to do this to a grown ass man through the telephone receiver...





I swear they got one mo time to come at me before I have them make it official in the employee handbook.. "You must wait until at least until Wednesday following any loss of the Raiders before you make any snide comments to Raider fans or suffer the consequences of a beatdown" Yup.. I vote for this new rule!!

Cookies, Pies, Snacks & Chips..

As you've seen there are not many subjects that I haven't touched on from politics, my "teenager", my family and love for Raider football (of which I.DO.NOT.WANT.TO.DISCUSS) I only have a few more untouched topics which are my "man" (for another post) and other people's children. If you notice all of my topics are easy to choose a pro or con side.. for my sake I will call them an ass whoopin or punishment side (for the YT folks - ass whoopin being the severe of the two) and discuss the topic at hand. Now usually I have a nice get together for the Raider games, but have since stopped doing so for one of two reasons:

• We in a recession (I'm broke as hell)



• Other people's kids..

Now let's discuss the later... shall we? My home used to be the "go to" house for me and my buddies to hang out, conversate, watch the kids and just chill. Lately I've noticed that what we had is sometimes difficult for others.. we stood as one, my friends and I - one common ground on who was wrong and who was right when it came to the kids...

Adults 1 - Children 0

...was how the game was always played, but somehow this philosophy hasn't gotten lost on today's parents. (holla if you hear me) Parents.. here is a guide to use to find out if YOU are the weakest link...

1. No matter who comes to you in the middle of a child's argument - no one is right.. just go sit your ass down and quit being a dayum tattle tale..



2. In the event of violence.. no matter who did it.. both parties are to go to neutral corners on the threat and violation of public embarassment via ass whoopin or adult tongue lashing (you choose)



3. Overbearing lonely child (I'll nickname this one "Mine") Go sit your ass down somewhere until you can learn to play with the rest of the children...



4. Greedy child (usually has too many siblings - momma sit yo hot ass down) Feed them and them get them away from your cookies, pies, snacks and chips.. they'll be lil Jack's falling off the hill with they rolley polley selves if you don't watch it..


5. Parents who don't follow these guidelines.. you will forever be in turmoil when you try and bring your crumb snatchin, tattle-tellin, lonely, bitchassmade child to someone else's home who believes this mantra whole-heartedly!!

So now you've heard my guidelines and I really don't care if this sounds cruel to you or not.. the ish works for me so much so I could send my daughter to your house at age two and she wouldn't dare mess with grandma's china on the lower shelf.... hmph!

I just love this dude!!

Okay so I'm really not a fan of politics as I've stated below, but this weekend I happened across Real Time with Bill Maher.. now normally I would have channel skipped right passed this dude to the next reality tv show with some coontastic bafoonery going on, but Friday night made me stop and take notice. Now I don't want to beat this "Sarah Palin" horse into the ground, but this dude is funny as hell and if you get a chance - please catch the entire episode which is still airing if you can catch the reruns on HBO. I know The IPS will have to tivo this one, because one of his guest panel was none other than Kerri Washington (smart and beautiful.. nice combo) (thanks for the correction Missohmygoodnezz) But this nucca right chur... this nucca RIGHT CHUR! He's my new bff.. phuck Paris Hilton!!





And for more laughs.. check out this clip of the same episode...

There's no crying in Wifee's World...

So the weekend has come and gone and I bet your ready for another sequel in the life of my world. This weekend was pretty eventful to say the least. My brother drove down carrying my newest neice Bryn Janelle who is almost a year old:




Ain't she the cutest?? Yeah I'm trying to put her on the right path with the football in the corner.. she's got a great arm too! Spending time with family is what I enjoy most, but it never fails, someone is always the brunt of the joke.. this time it was my "teenager".. I'm trying to explain how she got her phone taken away and as I'm telling the story, I look over and tears are welling up in her eyes (Oh Lawd.. bring on the dramatics) Okay so I'm no hard ass.. and I can feel her pain, so I abruptly stop telling the story so as not to further embarass her in front of family (ain't that what family is for?) It seems like there are alot of "touchy" subjects when it comes to my daughter.. from her shoe size (size 11 - you know she got good balance on those things) to her hair, clothes and everything in between. Why are teenagers so daggone sensitive? Especially girls.. I can't tell none of her business while she's listening (uh yeah.. I know exactly how that sounded) I know if she ever got a chance to find this blog - her whole world would come crumbling down like a waffle cone in a fat kid's hands..

LOL.. naw.. if she ever did find this blog - I would hope she would read between the jokes and attempts at humor to find that I really do care.. it's just that some of the stuff that goes on in her mind are simply FUNNY AS HELL! Don't be mad... just be happy you are now entertaining the masses of parents and adults that have gone through the same thing. Like have you ever asked a teenager to do something in detail and they only get to one of the things on the detailed list? Brain damaged ain't even the word sometimes.. just this past weekend I asked her very politely to clean the bathroom (the girl's only bathroom - we don't clean up after boys) and I tell her in my best Mommie tone "Clean up the bathroom, bathtub, around the bathtub, empty the trash can, clean the mirrors, sweep and mop.. now why must I then break this ish down like I'm talking to a two year old... in my slow retarded voice "Cleeeeaaan the baaaathroooom, baaaaathtub..etc" Now she comes down the stairs saying - I'm done.. now here's the test.. how much of what was on the list do ya'll think she followed?? Try the first two...

So now I've got to repeat what I've said for the third time and hopefully this time she'll get it.. uhh no! That would have been too much like right... she does a couple more things on the list and then looks at me like whaaa? I swear children must think we are either dumb as hell or we ain't paying attention, but no ma'am.. I'm one of the ones that pays close attention.. so after further inspection of the bathroom.. I notice the trash can and mirrors aren't done.. time to knock some sense in her cause the talking ain't working...

ROFL.. naw.. I wish.. so after all of that do you know that girl had the nerve to ask me why is it her job to clean the bathroom?? WTH?? Are you serious? I told her as politely as I could.. because it's my job to go to work and buy those skinny jeans for you.. and it's my job to keep the lights on so you can do your homework.. and it's my job to feed those huge Sasquatch size 11 feet.. not to mention the shoes that have to cover em... But my best and only reason was this:

After all this.. I need a blunt, a drink and a cigarrette.. because she has wrecked my reserve nerve for the weekend...

Gene Upshaw to be Remembered

The National Football League will honor Hall of Fame guard and longtime union leader Gene Upshaw in tributes to take place during the opening games this weekend and throughout the entire season.

Upshaw's initials and his uniform number will be stenciled on the field for all 16 games this opening weekend. Also, all NFL players will sport patches with his initials "GU" and the number 63, his former uniform number, for the entire 2008-09 season, the league announced.

The league originally said his initials would be stenciled on the field for just two games: the season opener at Giants Stadium between the Redskins and Giants and for the Denver-Oakland game at Oakland, where Upshaw played his entire 15 seasons. It extended that Tuesday to all games.

A video tribute to Upshaw will also be shown during games this weekend, the AP reports. Upshaw died of cancer two weeks ago at age 63.

http://www.eurweb.com/story/eur46766.cfm

I personally think this is wonderful to remember one of the greatest to ever play the game and still holds the title of the only player to play in three seperate decades in a Super Bowl. No other player in history can claim this. He was inducted into the NFL Hall of Fame in 1987 and worked for the NFL Players Association up until his untimely death. Here's to you Gene.. R.I.P!

Countdown to Paydirt

Yes folks.. it's finally that time of season where the pigskin flies and helmets clash - IT'S FOOTBALL SEASON!!! The season opened last night with a showdown between the Super Bowl Champion New York Giants and the Washington Redskins and the Giants prevailed with a 16-7 score. No surprise here except that Plaxico Burress finally signed his contract for a 11 mil for the next season.. dayum how can I be down?? We in a recession when football players can't get more than 15 mil for the first season.. (yeah that's sarcasm)



Now as many of you know I'm a huge Raider fan and the first game of our season starts Monday September 8, 2008 on our home field against our division rivals Denver Broncos. I won't be going, but I'll be rushing home through the tailgate traffic to sit in front of my 50 inch and enjoy the game. My highlights will be seeing what Darren McFadden (our #1 draft pick) is made of when it counts. I already know Justin Fargas is going to do his job. That boy stay hungry for a few more feet of field. Watching the Jamarcus Russell/Zack Miller connection will be nice too, but I'm worried about when you focus so much on a running game, the passing game is left out to pasture. I expect to see the ball on the ground more this season. DLine has been okay - definitely not as impressive as they were last year... even through a losing season. This should be a very close game (as it usually is with our division rival) but I expect to be victorious Monday night!!

Sarah Who???

I don't normally discuss politics until this recent election year. I'm wondering what in the hell is going on in McCain's mind to pick a woman he not only met once, but he had no clue that she couldn't run her own household.. much less the country.

Here are the facts:

• She's only been govenor for 1 year and a half.. governing 9000 residents of Alaska (who?) yeah Alaska... previous to this she was a mayor in Alaska
• She's anti choice for abortion.. even in the cases of rape
• She doesn't think humans are the cause of the climate change (err.. what? So it must be the bunnies...)
• She supported right wing extremist Pat Buchannon in 2000
• She sued the Bush administration for listing Polar Bears as an endangered species (???)
• She's under investigation for several charges involving hiring and firing of state officials (who just coincidentally was married to her sister and got a divorce.. I'll fix you to leave my sis.. wtf?)
• She's a hunter and fisherwoman, but votes repeatedly against the environment
• She was a beauty pagent winner (I wish for world peace... ROFL!!)
• She backs abstinence-only education and is against "explicit sex-ed programs" in schools (Maybe that's why your daughter is currently pregnant with no husband at 16)
• She strongly supports the second amendment and the right to bear arms and supports gun safety education for youth (So they can't have sex, but they can carry a sawed off shotgun..)

So all in all.. you've picked an inexperienced member of society who believes in abstinence and even if you're raped have the baby anyway, guns for the youth, excessive oil drilling and her hairspray is not the cause of global warming... Jeesh.. can this lady be any more clueless?? But you're claim is that Obama isn't experienced... uh yeah and you've just got goo gobs of experience eh? I'm not mad with her lack of experience, but rather her lack of being able to run her own damn house. How are you going to tell me I don't have the right to do what I want with my own body and you're helping to populate the earth with your trifling teenagers?? Right now you couldn't pay me to vote as a Republican...

Since when did I become dumb, crippled, blind & CRAZY??

Having an only child means that she is spoiled more often than not. I don't spoil her because she's the only one, but rather because she deserves it. She works hard as a student and daughter and so ususally when she has a request of me, I usually grant it.

Not today though.. she called me and stated she was on the bus coming home and could she and her friend go back to the school (because she forgot something) and the friend's dad would bring her home... uhhh eh? First off.. I'm from the old school.. if I don't know the parent of the child you are hanging with, then by all means no is going to be my favorite answer for everything. Times are too dangerous to be letting my teenager hop into a strange man's car.



DO.YOU.WANT.YOUR.ASS.RAPED? HMM??

Sorry ya'll but I don't know this pedophile man from R. Kelly Adam so there is no way I'm just going to take leave of God's common sense to allow her to do some hoodrat ish. And why do you have to wait until you get all the way home to say oops I forgot something?? It's not like they go to school right around the corner either.. a whole hour's bus ride is what they're in for everyday.. to and from...

Something in the milk ain't clean and I've noticed this isn't the first time today she has tried to get out of my reach.. wanting to visit her "old" junior high.. Hmm mmm.. no ma'am.. ain't nothing at that school but homework - and that's what you need to be doing.. AT HOME! I swear when I figure out what she's up to this time...

Get your stretcher.. get set.. GO!!

This is just sad.. I DO NOT WANT TO BE ANY OF THESE PEOPLE.. Who told Auntie Ri Ri and Uncle Scooter that they could go to the retirement party and do this? Most of them look like they are about to do the running man without the walker.. Lawd I know the parting gifts had to be a year's supply of Ben Gay and $50 off hip replacement gift certificates.. *smh*

Why can't I just be old?

Okay so enough about my daughter for now.. my new topic is in regard to my lovely younger sister who came out from the Wood (Ingle) to visit me this past weekend. She brought along her entourage of bff'ers and I was surrounded by 25 year olds who thought I was still in my prime.

*Let's get this clear.. I am not old.. but I'm not young either. I know I have no business being in the club at my age*

So they were very adamant about going out to a club and partying.. only thing is my sense of a good night is going to bed at 11pm - not leaving the house at 11pm.




We ended up going out "looking" for a club, but couldn't find one (in Frisco??) and everyone was disappointed except me and I feel guilty now for not being more prepared for the "all girls night out" It seems as though we were the only ones to be turned away from one particular club which claimed they were at capacity, but I honestly think the bouncer looked at me and was like "Look you old hag.. this party is for over 21, but under 31.. get ta steppin"





Why is it when we reach over the age of 30 clubbing is not only not an option, but we see the "club" scene as juvenile.. I mean if I want a drink and dance.. I can pour myself a big mason jar full glass and turn on the stereo.. instant party if you ask me...

The noise and ugly men are enough to keep my arse in the house! Hell - I don't even remember the new dances anymore... my radio stations have even changed from the "Whoop Whoop" to the "Quiet Storm" I just can't take the music they play in the clubs nowadays.. I mean how do you dance to A Milli really?? Do you do the "Tap the bottle and Twist the cap" I'm too old for this ish!!

What are your thoughts about "old" folks in the club?

And the truth shall set you free..

Sometimes being a parent you have days where you want to ring your child's neck and other days where they remind you that you are doing the right thing. Children crave discipline - it's why they show out and act a fool half the time... if there's no one there to tell them no or this is wrong.. they have no clue. My girl is not a bad girl.. I've seen some of the hoochies that she's gone to school with. I know about the girls being caught in the boys restroom giving up the goodies to the sweaty undertalented boys. Sometimes when you least expect it - they confirm that you are right and that lying isn't necessary.

As I'm getting ready this morning the heavens opened up and shined down on me, because out of the blue the girl looks at me and says... "Jose goes to Y.E.S"

*whoa where did this come from???*





It dawned on her that I really do have her best interest at heart and I'm not being mean for the sake of meanness... I want to see my daughter graduate college and move on to a rewarding career and get married and have grandkids for me.. but I don't want to be made a grandmother at age *cough30somethingcough*

But she still ain't getting that cell phone back anytime soon.. what do you think?