The Big Purple Money Eater

So I'm still on this kick of memories and I need to share like Romper Room "magic mirror" time.. so here we go! (I am not the only one who remembers that)



I can recall a time when my daughter's biggest idol was that huge purple dinosaur Barney. He had video tapes, cd's, plush animal toys, games and whole gammit of things to spend my hard earned money on.. He even had his own gang.. yeah the yellow and green creatures that used to dance around him




I used to literally go broke trying to make sure my daughter had all the latest accessories and that her toy box stayed full of the things that would entertain her for more than 5.5 seconds. She loved the dancing singing felt bodied purple monster to death.. this is where she learned that hideous sing songy song.. "I love you.. you love me.." The song that she would rewind on the VHS player again and again and again to the point if I wanted to watch tv I needed to buy one just for her. Back in the day my mother never provided more than two tv's in the house.. one for the living room and one for her room.. she couldn't have cared less if you wanted to watch tv in your room - you didn't have a job therefore no income in order to afford one.. tough titty! Well I tell you times have definitely changed.. my daughter had a tv in her room ever since she was old enough to know where the stop and play functions were on the VCR... but I digress this whole story is focused on Mr Barney and my daughter.

One day it comes to my attention that Barney is coming in live concert in our town. Well of course I'm going to be a good mommie and get my daughter tickets to the show - I mean how bad can it be? I can handle 90 minutes of pure hell for my baby.. she's worth it! So I purchase the tickets which at the time ran me about $65 a piece (remember I'm thinking she's worth it) and the day of the show I drive up in the parking lot and we both hop out. As we start to approach the coliseum there is a huge 18 wheeler with Barney's picture on the side of the vehicle. She gets excited now.. and she's ready to see Barney! We walk in and try to locate our seats in the stadium but we pass several booths selling various Barney items from flashlights to foam fingers (isn't that just for sports?) So of course I can't just pass up the various items because that sparkle is in her eyes and she spots a flashlight. I ask the attendant "How much for the flashlight?" He responds $35..



So I grab my wallet and pay for the stupid flashlight that probably won't work after today and proceed to my seat. Well as the show progresses my daughter is totally delighted with the show on stage.. and then it happens.. Barney asks for kids out of the audience to come on stage to do a dance with him...

My daughter waits patiently for her name to be called because hell - she's his biggest fan! But alas her name is never called and the group begins to dance on stage. My daughter's heart is broken and she begins to scream "I want to dance for Barney!!" I politely tell her - "Baby you can't go and dance for Barney - we're in the 2nd row from the top of the building - he can't see you up here" But my baby girl has plenty of good common sense and she ain't going for that excuse so I have to tell her "You can dance for Barney later girl.. just hush and enjoy the show" So this works till the end of the show and she calmly exits the building until she sees the 18 wheeler truck again with Barney's ominous face looming from the side of the truck.. she falls out in the middle of the parking lot and has her first and last temper tantrum... "I didn't get to dance for Barney!!"

Then it strikes me.. $65 for each ticket, $35 for a dayum flashlight, $25 for food and snacks.. I'VE JUST SPENT $190 FOR YOU TO FALL OUT IN THE PARKING LOT? Oh hell naw... I snatched her little butt up and whispered in her ear with clenched teeth "If you don't cut out that crap after all the money I just spent - I'm going to beat the black off you! Now you can dance for Barney when you get home but right now you are gonna shut it up!"

Needless to say she sucked up what little tears were left in her eyes and rode home in silence... when we got home she put her Barney tape in the garbage can and started watching Sesame Street.. at least Big Bird ain't gonna front on her like that! (and I never had to buy another Barney item again!)