Guest Blogger! Yaaaaeah Boi!

I am going to formally introduce one of my bestest friends in the whole wide universe to guest blog on my site. She will appear from time to time with her own thoughts and views about life. Please blogging fam.. show her your warm support and love as she enters the blogging world a virgin...




So be on the lookout for this cool mofo and her peals of wisdom. This should be quite the experience folks..

Beware though.. she's lethal with the vocab

Chocolate News Part Dueax

If any of you missed the episode of Chocolate News.. please feel free to catch his rendition of how not to act on Nov 4th.. ROFL!

"We are within spitting distance of putting a brother in the White House, but right now, Barack's chances are shakier than Whitney on the pipe! So black people, I am begging you, until Nov 4, stop doing stupid sh**!"

DEAD!!

Noose you didn't!!

*Effigies of Barack Obama were hung on the University of Kentucky campus and outside a home in Indiana this week after authorities said an effigy of Sarah Palin in California was offensive, but not a hate crime, reports the Associated Press.

A life-sized likeness of Obama was found hanging from a tree with a noose around its neck Wednesday at the University of Kentucky. University President Lee Todd said he planned to apologize to the Obama family on behalf of the school and that he is "personally offended and deeply embarrassed by this disgusting episode."

Source

Okay what in the hell is on the mind of college students these days?? It's not funny for either side to do this, but this is just re-damn-diculous.. how can you be so naive and gullible and just plain offensive? I'm somebodies mama and I'm on that kick of I don't give a damn who did it first - both ya'll asses are in trouble. What say you blog fam?

Happy Halloween

Well today I'm tired and full.. that office potluck was off the chain and I don't normally fool with other people's cooking especially if I don't know how they keep house, but I have to give kudos to the cooks I was bacteria-free sure about! Dem yt folks don't know nothing about my receptionist greens.. Sweet Minty Jesus be some fatback...

Anywho - here's a lil flashback music to fit the occassion, Enjoy!



What would Halloween be without Vincent Price and Wacko Jacko? Well here's another version that I'm sure you all will enjoy - straight from the Cebu prison overseas somewhere... they got way too much time on their hands!



And although this ain't Rockwell with MJ.. this rendition was just as cute.. somebody say go yt boy go!!



And yes you must include Will Smith's Nightmare on my street - classic! Have a great weekend fam!

The Ex Effect

I can't make all of my posts about my daughter (although I would love to) there are other things in my world that urk me. I have an ex boyfriend who seems to think we are buddies now after 7 years of separation. Now don't get me wrong I like to remain friends with my exes to a point... point being where you aren't calling me three times a week bugging me about ish you could have saved your daytime minutes and just sent me an email. He doesn't just call to ask how I'm doing, but he calls with random tidbits of life that I really could care less about. The reason why he's an ex is because he couldn't never seem to get his ish together and stay on one job long enough to remember his boss' name much less earn a decent living...

So he's still moving job to job - unstable and living with roommates (who in the hell still has a roommate at age 40?) and barely keeping his eyeball above water. When we were together he made it a point to move his daughter in with us and then quit his job that I got for him making $16 an hour to go work at Blockbuster...



We never should have even dated, more like we should have been eff buddies.. He has no potential for anything other than becoming a male prostitute because that's the only upside to him... the largest "you know what" I've ever laid eyes on, but even that won't keep you under Wifee's roof because now those come in a wide variety of shapes, sizes and colors...

He doesn't have the concept of what a good woman is until she's gone. Now he's missing his well cause the water ran dry. Everytime I talk to him it's like my brain is saying to me: "Why are you still on the phone? Hang up now!" But I don't want to be rude. The last call he made he stated that he's moving back to Oakland...



So I'm asking my blogging friends for advice... how should I handle this situation the next time he calls with the blah blah wompity womp womp?

She better learn Morse Code...

I so forgot to mention in that last post about the conversation my daughter and I had about the messages on her phone.. please don't think that I just let that ish slide...

So as I'm sitting there yesterday on my couch pissed about her behavior in class while she's busting suds..(washing dishes for the yt folks) I'm trying to have a drink and calm down because another ass whoopin is on the way. Her phone was sitting next to me on the table after confiscating it the other day. So the phone starts to ring with a new message.. and of course I look at it and all it says is the phone number (remember I had her delete all the boys numbers out of the phone) so she is trying to be slick eh? The message is filthy... something about a hug leading to a kiss, finger.. and what not... but no name is on the message.

So I call her down and ask "Who's number is 330-xxxx??"

Her: *blank stare*

Me: (oh so now you deaf huh?) So I yell - "WHO'S NUMBER IS 330-XXXX????"

She: (replying meekly) "A friend of mine"

Me: "Is it a boy?"

Her: *silence*

Me: (after I jump up from the couch, spill my drink and catch her by the throat) "What the hell is wrong with yo gotdarun mouth? You can't speak? Don't make me buss you in the eye.. IS IT A BOY?"

Her: "yes"



So after all of the conversations, beatings and warnings she still think she can defy me and have hot tailed nasty lil boys call the phone I pay for eh? Well that phone is no longer an issue because now that phone is going to be shut the hell off! Thank God for Ghettro.. no contracts.. no problem! She better get used to that payphone...

Where are my blood pressure meds?

Lawd I tell you my blood pressure has just raised 40 points fooling with my teenager. Why is it teenagers have brain damage?? Somebody please answer the question for me because I fail to understand why I received ANOTHER call from one of my daughter's teachers about her behavior in class?




It's not enough that she's already had the cell phone, tv, house phone and computer taken away from her, but she just had to take it further and play with someone else's cell phone in class.. I mean didn't I just whoop her ass day before yesterday for acting out in class?? So she ain't learned a dayum thing I see. But wait ya'll that's not all she's been up too.. hmmm mmm no ma'am. Since I have possession of the cell phone it prompted me to take a look at her phone from the messages to the pics.. and well let's just say this heffa ain't slick.




She told me that she never has her cellphone out in class, but I'll be damned if there weren't pics in her phone of her third period classmates posing in science class..

But the kicker was the upteen messages in her inbox that she didn't delete from a boy that made me blush as an adult. The messages were filthy and disgusting and even though it was one of those chain text messages, I wouldn't forward that mess to my dog let alone another human being. Now I'm ready to take the kid gloves off and send her ass right to the doctor for a routine kitty box inspection.. I don't have time to be caring for no teenager's baby! And what do I look like being a grandmother at age 37? I'd rather let pirranahas eat my eyeball meat.. shooot I refuse to support a teenage hard headed mother...

This girl must think I've lost my mind.. either that or she thinks I'm not serious about beating her every day until she understands I'm NOT PLAYING! Either way my right arm is going to get a workout again...

When will you learn?

I don't know what's got into my daughter lately, but Sweet Minty Jesus had his precious arms tied around me like bungee cords I swear ya'll.. now most of you by now think I'm crazy as a bessy bug, but I'm an effective parent.. okay so peep this scenario:

I'm at work playing on the internet (as usual) and I get my normal call from my daughter at 3:30 to let me know she's out of school and on her way home. No sooner than I hang up the phone, but her last period algebra teacher calls..



Now I'm sure most of you can recall a time in your life when your mother or father received that priceless phone call from a teacher about your shenanigans at the school house.. I'm going to take you back to that place.

Teacher: "Uh yes.. is this the parent of ________"

Me: "Yes.. how can I help you?"

Teacher: "Well I've been having some trouble today with ______ and she's been quite disruptive in class talking with her friends and she wasn't able to complete any of the assignments in class today..."



Me: "Is that so? Well this is totally unacceptable and she and I will discuss this matter at great length this evening. I appreciate you calling me with the info."

Now after I finished spewing green vomit and turning my head around like the excorcist.. I call my daughter because her lil behind just left his class and was sounding all cute on the phone with me just prior.. well I know how to cut that "cute" in half!

Me: "When you get home do your homework and don't touch the tv, phone, cellphone, or the computer.. matter of fact you just be glad I'm letting you breathe..."

Her: "uhhhhh okay"

Click

I know the whole way home she's sweating bullets wondering how much I know about what she did.. and serves her right, because now I'm madder than McCain on Nov 5th. Why is it so hard for this little girl to just go to school and learn.. what's so hard about that? Especially knowing her mama doesn't have good sense. *smh*

We seem to make it home at the same time and as I walk up to the door, she's got her keys in the doorway I swear fo God I just wanted to do this:



But I want to hear her story.. so she starts explaining how her friends are talking in class and she was just laughing at them and got in trouble... and that she's done her classwork but forgot to turn it in and blah blah wompity womp womp...

So I let her know by no means necessary will she be talking in class if I have to super glue her lips together because her only job in this world is to go to school.. period! I had to reach back and grab my "reminder" and let my 14 yr old know she ain't never going to get too big to beat.. hmm mmm I whooped her behind all over the house last night..



I betcha she ain't said a mumblin word today..

November 5th

This is for those of you who may not know how to act... LOL!


Good Morning My People -

After watching the final debate the other night, it dawned on me that
Obama could actually win this thing. If that happens, there will be a
lot of people (some of our co-workers included) who will be afraid that an Obama presidency will usher in the end of days. They'll be watching us on November 5th (the day after the election) for signs of the end times.



To keep the peace and keep a lot of folks from getting nervous, I think
we should develop a list of acceptable celebrations and behaviors we
should probably avoid - at least for the first few days:



1. No crying, hugging or shouting "Thank you Lord" - at least not in public

2 No high-fives - at least not unless the area is clear and there are no witnesses

3 No laughing at the McCain/Palin supporters

4 No calling in sick on November 5th. They'll get nervous if too many of us don't show up. (Try to be on time and not your normal late arrival)

5 We're allowed to give each other knowing winks or nods in passing. Just try to keep from grinning too hard.

6. No singing loudly, We've come this Far By Faith (it will be acceptable to hum softly)

7. No bringing of barbeque ribs or fried chicken for lunch in the company lunchroom for at least a week (no chittlings at all) (this may make us seem too ethnic)

8. No leaving kool-aid packages at the water fountain (this might be a sign that poor folks might be getting a break through)

9. No Cupid Shuffle or Electric Slide during breaks (this could indicate a little too much excitement)

10. Please no Moving on Up music (we are going to try to remain humble)

11. No doing the George Jefferson dance (unless you're in your office with the door closed)

12. Please try not to yell----BOOOO YAH!

13. Just in case you're wondering, Doing the Running Man, cabbage patch, or a backhand spring on the highway is 100% okay.





If I've missed anything feel free to add to the list. I just want to
make sure we're all on the same page when Obama brings this thing home
on November 5th.


Now go get your early vote on and let's make this thing happen!!!

Voting Registrar

Hope vs Wish

I thought about this topic last night as I drove home and wanted to share my opinion on this subject. I have coworkers and friends that are yt and I really believe that they have a different view on hope vs wish than black folks.


Here let me explain.. as a famous comedian spelled it out.. Yt folks hope while black folks wish.. example number 1:




yt person: I hope no one's in my seat when I arrive...




black person: I wish a mofo would be sitting in my seat when I get there...

I say all of that to say that more yt folks really need to adopt our way of thinking. They need to stop hoping on a star (or whatever it is they do) and start getting gangsta with it!

A friend of mine (yt) was having problems with another friend in the fact that her daughter was being accused of sleeping with somebodies man (which of course wasn't true) so the "other" friend insisted on giving my patna a hard time. She would call and argue and swear up and down that my friend's daughter (who's of age to be doing the hokey pokey) was sleeping with so and so's man.. well during a lunch break she divulged all of this and was really worried about whether or not the girl was going to continue to blow up her phone with this nonsense...

*in unison - all the black folks say*

I WISH A MOFO WOULD CALL MY PHONE AND HARASS ME!

(whoo feel better now?) I know I do..

First off.. if my grown ass daughter is doing the huck a buck with anybody - that's her business.. and it only becomes my business when I'm told about it.. and I wish a mofo would try and call me with some mess like that in the first place. People.. people.. people... drama like this can all be avoided by keeping your hope and wish list separate..

Hope List:
I hope I can get out of work early

I hope I get a good scratch off and win the lottery

Wish List:
I wish a mofo ask me to work late today..

I wish a mofo would ask me for spare change.. how bout you get a spare job ole broke azz!

So yt folks.. I'm trying to give you a little insight and direction in which to react to certain situations.. USE IT!

Tis all for now..

Oh so you just lost your mind eh?

But its a monday, my day,
So just let me hit it, yo
And dont mistake my statement for a clown
We can keep in the down low long as you know
That I get around.

Okay that song had been stuck in my head forever this morning and I just had to let it out! Big shout out to N0days0ff and his hoarding behind.. hmm mm..



Now I got all yo gifs fool whaa? Now on to today's blog.

So I've been stuck on this memory kick lately and it seems to be working so let me continue with yet another mystical memory of parenthood. I can remember it like it was yesterday.. my daughter was in elementary school in the 4th grade. The teacher was out ill for a considerable amount of time so the school thought it would be best to bring in a "permanent" substitute teacher for the remainder of the year. Now my daughter got along very well with the previous teacher and so I figured the change wouldn't be too much of an upset for her, but I never expected her to react like she did...

I'll never forget the call from the "permanent" teacher regarding my daughter's behavior as I sat at work. She stated that my daughter had a report due in school that day and she had given the kids at least a month to prepare...



Well my daughter didn't mention to me anything about a paper, nor did she ask for help.. and wait a minute am I paying $50 a month for internet access too? And she got a printer and all? Wait a minute.. so she's had a whole month to do absolutely nothing??



But wait.. it's gets better...

So the teacher asks me if I have some time to come down and discuss because when she asked my daughter why she didn't have her assignment her response was "I didn't feel like it" and then the teacher said "Well we're just going to have to call your mother" and my daughter's response was "Go ahead.. call my momma..."



WHAT DA EFF SHE JUST SAY??

Did she just dare the teacher to call her 51/50 crazy as a cuckatoo azz momma and tell her some bs like that? Okay so as I'm doing light speed on the freeway, I think I knocked an old man down and swore I killed him, then I made my move to the school house building.. my daughter never saw it coming..



Before she knew it.. I had snatched her lil behind out of the lunch line and whisked her around the corner and tow that azz up!! I think I beat her for every syllable the teacher said to me.. I beat her for things I didn't even know she did.. I beat her for the future.. I beat her.. took a cigarrette break and beat her again! That's right folks.. I advocate beating yo kids.. beat em before the police have to do it..

Got me working day & night

Hey all.. I didn't mean to leave without an explanation, but things have been so busy at work and at home that I forgot to mention a very huge milestone (well at least for me) in the fact that I was asked to guest blog over at Watch Your Setup and have been busy trying to make sure that I'm able to fill both obligations. In doing so, I've literally been stressing myself in thinking "What am I going to write about today?" type mess and being suddenly piled with someone else's work has taken it's toll, but never fear Raider_wifee is here! My household has agreed to spare me a few waking moments to share with ya'll more about me.

Today's topic is my job.. now normally I have a fabulous working relationship with most people there, but I'm also the type person who may appear sweet as Georgia peach pie, but will get real gangsta (WESSSIIIDE) and ack a fool.. I try to keep myself from acking a fool (no there's no typo - I said ack) and try and calm situations like most adults would do... but there's something to be said about the black woman in a working relationship.. just some things you just DON'T DO! No matter how well you think you know her or how well you might like her.. she is and will always be a sista.

*said with clenched teeth* The past couple of days have been a prime example and some of my blogging friends have witnessed a pure brawling style sense of urgency to the message I was trying to convey.

Now normally when someone has an issue at the job, I'm the first one with encouraging words and a kind heart.. and I notice that some people will take that for granted, but this situation entails a person who had a personal vendetta out for me..

Let's get some fictitious names to this group so that the innocent and guilty can remain so.. yeah okay here's the list of today's cast:

Me: Me (of course)
Friend: Becky
Trippin Crazy Bish: Suzy
Sales Rep 1: Troy
Sales Rep 2: Amy
Email Guy: Quan
Bossman: Dude

So as I'm receiving an email from Troy.. I notice it's addressed to Quan and he's out of the office because his grandma is sick so I ask Suzy who's in his department as to whom I should address questions to since he's out of the office.. well dis bish tells me nobody..

and I pause....

And I say "Wellll okie dokie thennnn.. thanks!"

and hang up. Next day I get a new email from Amy and she sends something to Quan as well.. well this time I'm on the ball and I tell Amy that per Suzy - Quan is out of the office and no one is covering his desk... riiiight.. you still with me? I see you scrolling back up to try and keep up with the story LMAO!

So Amy ain't that naive and she is fed up.. so she sends an email to Dude (unbeknownst to me) and Dude calls Suzy and gives her the bizness..

Next thing I know I send a whole new email (apart from anything) to Suzy asking for some help and this heffa.. yeah this heffa has the nerve to tell me *to my face* (in a yt snotty tone) "You should have known where to find the information in the first place.. hmph"

WHOOOOOLE UP!!!

Slow ya roll mommy.. back up ya stride and let it glide.. don't step too quick cause this sh*ts thick..


Who you talking too? *now every syllable is enunciated* First off.. I did exactly what I was trained to do when searching for these issues and I came to you for help, but I see that's an issue, but thank you anyway for your assistance...

And then she says it... "Well that's not what I'm mad about in the first place.." AND SLAMS THE DOOR ON HER WAY OUT..

I swear fo God ya'll I came out that door and had to literally be restrained from my feet coming lose, my earings coming off, my vaseline on my face, and sweat pants on and ready...

SAY SOMMIN ELSE?!! SAY SUMMTINNN!! I DARE YA....

(just keep a little bail money on ya for a sista girl)

Chocolate News

Okay so I'm at home one night and I'm a tv junkie (I need my fix erry night) so as I'm flipping through the channels a premiere comes up on Comedy Central for a new comedy starring David Allan Grier..

yeah this fool from "In Living Color" on the right... (your right)

*pause*

So entywhoo.. I say to self "Self.. we are gonna have to catch the first episode of this here comedy..."

I present you exhibit A: (I'll wait)

Hmm Mmm.. so now that you've caught the gist of this well made tirade.. please feel free to enjoy some more of the first night's premiere of "Chocolate News"

*camera rolling*

Oh I ain't done witchu yet... just hush up and sit down cause you know you wanna watch it!

Tis all.. catch the next episode 10/22

The Big Purple Money Eater

So I'm still on this kick of memories and I need to share like Romper Room "magic mirror" time.. so here we go! (I am not the only one who remembers that)



I can recall a time when my daughter's biggest idol was that huge purple dinosaur Barney. He had video tapes, cd's, plush animal toys, games and whole gammit of things to spend my hard earned money on.. He even had his own gang.. yeah the yellow and green creatures that used to dance around him




I used to literally go broke trying to make sure my daughter had all the latest accessories and that her toy box stayed full of the things that would entertain her for more than 5.5 seconds. She loved the dancing singing felt bodied purple monster to death.. this is where she learned that hideous sing songy song.. "I love you.. you love me.." The song that she would rewind on the VHS player again and again and again to the point if I wanted to watch tv I needed to buy one just for her. Back in the day my mother never provided more than two tv's in the house.. one for the living room and one for her room.. she couldn't have cared less if you wanted to watch tv in your room - you didn't have a job therefore no income in order to afford one.. tough titty! Well I tell you times have definitely changed.. my daughter had a tv in her room ever since she was old enough to know where the stop and play functions were on the VCR... but I digress this whole story is focused on Mr Barney and my daughter.

One day it comes to my attention that Barney is coming in live concert in our town. Well of course I'm going to be a good mommie and get my daughter tickets to the show - I mean how bad can it be? I can handle 90 minutes of pure hell for my baby.. she's worth it! So I purchase the tickets which at the time ran me about $65 a piece (remember I'm thinking she's worth it) and the day of the show I drive up in the parking lot and we both hop out. As we start to approach the coliseum there is a huge 18 wheeler with Barney's picture on the side of the vehicle. She gets excited now.. and she's ready to see Barney! We walk in and try to locate our seats in the stadium but we pass several booths selling various Barney items from flashlights to foam fingers (isn't that just for sports?) So of course I can't just pass up the various items because that sparkle is in her eyes and she spots a flashlight. I ask the attendant "How much for the flashlight?" He responds $35..



So I grab my wallet and pay for the stupid flashlight that probably won't work after today and proceed to my seat. Well as the show progresses my daughter is totally delighted with the show on stage.. and then it happens.. Barney asks for kids out of the audience to come on stage to do a dance with him...

My daughter waits patiently for her name to be called because hell - she's his biggest fan! But alas her name is never called and the group begins to dance on stage. My daughter's heart is broken and she begins to scream "I want to dance for Barney!!" I politely tell her - "Baby you can't go and dance for Barney - we're in the 2nd row from the top of the building - he can't see you up here" But my baby girl has plenty of good common sense and she ain't going for that excuse so I have to tell her "You can dance for Barney later girl.. just hush and enjoy the show" So this works till the end of the show and she calmly exits the building until she sees the 18 wheeler truck again with Barney's ominous face looming from the side of the truck.. she falls out in the middle of the parking lot and has her first and last temper tantrum... "I didn't get to dance for Barney!!"

Then it strikes me.. $65 for each ticket, $35 for a dayum flashlight, $25 for food and snacks.. I'VE JUST SPENT $190 FOR YOU TO FALL OUT IN THE PARKING LOT? Oh hell naw... I snatched her little butt up and whispered in her ear with clenched teeth "If you don't cut out that crap after all the money I just spent - I'm going to beat the black off you! Now you can dance for Barney when you get home but right now you are gonna shut it up!"

Needless to say she sucked up what little tears were left in her eyes and rode home in silence... when we got home she put her Barney tape in the garbage can and started watching Sesame Street.. at least Big Bird ain't gonna front on her like that! (and I never had to buy another Barney item again!)

Memories.. of the way we were...

So I'm sitting there yesterday staring at my blog and I couldn't remember nothing good to talk about, until I went home and the thoughts started rolling in.. memories to be more exact. I can recall 14 years of parenting and I thought I would share some with ya'll..

I can remember sending my daughter to preschool back in the day when I worked for WMAC (Waste Management of Alameda County) and this is not the kind of job where you can receive personal calls.. naw they wasn't bout that mess - not a bit! So I'm sitting there doing my job when all of a sudden I get a call on my celly cell.. wait is that my baby's school (first thought - Ah Lawd... somebody done hit my baby - time to turn into Super Nucca Mama) and I hear the teacher on the other end saying "Ms Wifee.. we've got a problem and I need to speak to you about it" So I'm curious thinking I'm going to have to rush to the hospital or something.. Jesus give me strength. As she begins to explain the reason for the call - I swear this was my facial expression throughout the whole call...



So she starts to say that she's been having an issue with my daughter and she needs my help. Then as sure as I'm black the lady commences to tell me that my daughter refuses to take a nap..



So I'm thinking.. maybe I need to investigate this a little further.. I know that lady didn't just say that.. so I ask her "Well is she disturbing the other children?" (and this is where this ish gets hilarious) She says "No, she just lays on her cot with her eyes open, quiet but she refuses to sleep"

So you just wasted not only my time, but you've also wasted your own time with this foolishness. Hell I could have had a V8. If the child is quiet and ain't disturbing nobody - why do you feel the need to channel Hitler with this phone call?

The reason this whole memory came to mind was because two weeks ago I saw that very teacher in the grocery store and she asked me how my daughter was doing..

Me: "Well she still sleeps with her eyes open, but she's fine..."

Random thoughts..

I've got a few random thoughts running through my head and I thought I would share them with ya'll.



I wonder if my daughter knows that I am not her personal "finder". Why is it whenever she loses something in the house, the first question she asks is "Mom have you seen my _______?" Most of the times my answer is I don't wear/use/need your _____ so why would I know where it is? But this morning I gave her one of special smart a$$ comments "What you mean it just grew legs and walked out of your room? Oh man... we have to alert the authorities.. call out the hounds.. alert the media.. THIS IS A TRAVESTY!! - Thanks for the applause next show at 7." I bet you she won't ask that question again...



Why did the man for my appointment show up early to my house yesterday and give my daughter a compliment like "You've got a good girl there.. she wouldn't open the door even after she contacted you on the phone" My response (remember I have plenty common sense) "What else was she supposed to do? Open the door to a complete stranger because you said my name?" You big dumb bunny!



Why do people think because you are unsuccessful at your marriage that gays and lesbians can't be? What is it with this "tolerance" bs? I believe they should be able to be just as miserable as the next mofo.. Everyday there's a new ad here in Cali as to whether or not gay marriage should be overturned by the voters.. I don't believe in discrimination but I do believe in equal opportunity miserableness (yeah I just made that word up)

Why do people speed up just to get in front of you then slow down? I mean what was the point? You could have gotten your turtle driving behind - behind me! I mean did you just get a new rear bumper sticker or something?

And for the love of Sweet Minty Jesus why would you want to follow behind someone so close that you are practically sitting in their backseat? I mean since when were you ever able to "make" someone drive? Hell if you that late - your butt should have left YESTERDAY.. you'd be on time today!

I'm so glad I don't have to get on the freeway anymore to travel to work.. I swear that mess thur.. it'll make you smoke every morning on que! Time to go to work? Got keys - check! Got briefcase - check! Got blunt - check! We're ready for the morning traffic...

I swear children nowadays kill me.. just yesterday I saw a child cross my path with 4 different shades of Rainbow brite colored yarn in her hair.. she better be glad I couldn't get to my camera phone quick enough - because I'd have to put her on blast about that Homey D Clown hairdo. I just didn't want to whoop her fast tailed behind for this coifed tragedy.. but I wanted to find her mother who allowed this mess.. how in the hell do you just let your daughter walk out the house looking like she's ready to join Barnum & Bailey?? I know I'd never pay to have something like that done to my child's head.. *smh*

Tis all the randomness for now!

VH1 Hip Hop Honors 2008

Well it finally aired last night and I was on the edge of my seat with anticipation. The groups honored were Cypress Hill, De La Soul, Naughty by Nature, Slick Rick and Too Short. This list worried me at first, because for the life of me (maybe it was the green bud's fault) but I couldn't remember most of the hits from these groups except De La & Too Short.. but last night brought it all back rushing through my veins like good dope.. yeah I'm an addict for my old school hip hop. Here's my recap:

Tracy Morgan hosted the show and I'll be damned if that chile just didn't hop on the No. 42 bus and ride it all the way to the awards show... boy stoooop! His opening routine was cute and clever.. now get on to the show!

The show started off with a tribute to Cypress Hill who are still performing under another group name so as to grow with the music and not be suspended so to speak on the 80's. Fat Joe started the tribute with his rendition of "The real one" and then Jim Jones came out performing "I ain't going out like that" or something of that nature (I really don't remember this song...) Now Gym Class Heroes are coming out.. oh ish.. that's my jam! Insane in the Membrane was my hook! And I like how the lead singer had that same nasely tone like B. Real... me likey! Now Cypress is taking the stage and what are they going to perform... awwww snap!! "How I could just kill a man" Oh that whole song was the lick back in the day! Awww suki.. now they are playing "So you want to be a Rap Superstar" Oh my that is hitting hard.. my speakers are about to buss... me likey!!

Next up De La Soul.. now these are my peeps.. yup I was a hippie hip hopper! This album right chur? Maan.. I used to play it till my tape popped! For real though.. this whole album was the theme to my life back in the day. Is that Estelle performing "It's Saturday".. hmm nice.. next! Qtip!!! Whew.. now that's more like it... I'm mad at that fisherman/hunting/hot as hell hat he got on his head.. but I digress... Mos Def and Flavoooor Flaaav! They are performing.. oh wait.. is that Chuck Deezy? Aww now I got to take a break and get my cabbage patch on... okay now that's out of my system - Cee Lo is performing "Pot Holes in my Lawn" classic banger... Okay just kill me now... is that ERIC AND PARISH MAKING DOLLARS?? Be still my beating heart would ya? Now we got Michael Rappaport talking about he named his son Maseo.. ooh I'm mad at him for that one! De La is finally performing "Me, Myself and I" no need to explain this one.. I wonder when they gonna sing "Buddy".. ooh spoke too soon!

Next up Rick the Ruler.. MC Rickey D.. or otherwise known as Slick Rick.. now this is some classic ish if you ask me. He held the art of storytelling down to a science. Today's rappers couldn't compete with his gift to tell a story and have it resonate in your mind as if you had actually been there. I'm mad Tracy Morgan is talking about Dave the Dopefiend like he's a real person.. LOL - ooh I just want to fight him sometimes.. but back to the show... I'm so glad to see Mc Lyte come out and support her boy.. this was my jam "So relax ya mind and folks unwind.. " Awww Jimmy Jam.. is that Busta Bus with an eye patch?? LOL! Classic! "Then she turned around like she was Tony the tiger.." That's another classic banger for me. Why in the free press hell is Vinnie from Naughty by Nature on stage.. man just wait your turn dawg! Ghostface and Biz Markie are now performing La Di Da Di.. no need to embellish here. Is that Fabulous? Mkay.. lack luster performance of "Hey young world".. not impressed. Wow Eve looks ghostly.. or ghastly - whichever she looks about 10 shades lighter in the face than her dayum neck.. I'm going to need her to get a new makeup person fa sho!

Oh shizsnap!! They are doing a surprise tribute to Isaac Hayes and all the songs they stole sampled from him.. I'm just going to let you view the video on this one.. just too much to even discuss with that one!

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Next up Too Shizzle my nizzle:

Now as most of you know I reside in Oakland, CA - East O to be exact - the home of Too Short where before he ever made it big was selling tapes out the back of his cadillac for profit. He's a legend in these parts and should be rightfully recognized. First up to perform.. Kid Rock (where is my pic of Ice Cube saying eh? when you need it) and he's doing my old school joint "Life is Too Short" How in da hell they get Kid Rock?? And why is he on my tv screen rapping Too Short lyrics? I just want to strangle him with that satin A's jacket! Lawd.. just take me now!! Lil John and his crunk juice are getting booties shaking with "Shake that monkey" Woo saw.. wait... is that Bun B??!!! Oh thank you rap gods... you have answered my prayers! He's performing "Blow the Whistle" Why is Short sitting there looking hella mad like he'd rather be pimp slapping a bish or something? I'm hella mad that Kid Rock attributed Too Short to his ability to perform.. YOU.NEED.MORE.LESSONS. Now it's Short's turn to perform... and WHAT? Scarface?? Oooh me likey!! "The Ghetto" is an all around jam.. no matter what ghetto you from.. even if you've never been to the ghetto.. cause I try to stay out the ghetto.. LOL - okay so I just ran with that one! Too Short's freestyling... okie dokie just as long as you end the song with BIATCH! LOL!

Last but definitely not least was Naughty by Nature.. "You down with OPP?" Yeah they knew me too.. this group was hell bent on making more than just music, but an anthem that people still chant to this day. First up to bat Wyclef.. ain't that his own song? BWHAAHAA! That nucca can't even sing a Naughty song without making it rastafari! LOL Okay I officially hate Juelz Santana.. he don't just need more people.. he needs those people to carry chairs for him so he can SAT.DOWN! Big Boi is doing OPP - niiiiiice! But I HATE those yellow shoes that don't match a dayum thing! Looking like he just stepped on a hive of bumble bees.. *smh* Now they are performing "Uptown Anthem" that was my JOINT! Ooh shizam.. that's "Hip Hop Hooray" blowing out my speakers.. okay the party is official!!

All in all I give this show an A- .. simply because Kid Rock should have never performed LOL!

NO MLK DAY??

Now since I don't like to harp on things, I'm going to make this short and sweet. It's been really working my nerves that I remember the name John McCain from earlier in life.. prior to him running for office of president. You know that feeling where you feel like you know someone, but can't put your finger on where it was you met or knew them from? Yeah well - I've been pondering this question for a few weeks and last night I had an epiphany... I remember this creaton from his veto of a bill that would have made Martin Luther King Day a holiday in Arizona. McCain has since changed his view on the subject - but to me only slightly:

“I voted in my…first year in Congress against it and then I began to learn and I studied and people talked to me. And I not only supported it but I fought very hard in my home state of Arizona for recognition against a governor who was of my own party,” McCain said during a media availability aboard his plane Monday (video above). “I had not been involved in the issue. I had come from being in the military to running for Congress in a state that did not have a very large African American population and it had not been in issue. It just simply had not been.”

In his first year in the U.S. House, McCain voted with the minority and opposed the 1983 law creating the national holiday to honor King, but reversed his decision around 1990 after he says he “learned” more about King’s achievements. As he fought for an Arizona state ballot measure to recognize MLK Day in 1990, McCain successfully pushed former President Reagan to endorse the referendum.

Source

Let's just be clear.. you voted against it in 1983, then conveniently changed your mind in 1990 after "educating" yourself on the subject, but now in 2008 you want to smear Obama and accuse him of palling around with terrorists? My fear is that if this guy gets into office, not only will the stock market continue to fail, people lose their homes, but we may also be looking at him whimsically changing his mind and ridding us of this historic holiday. Folks this election is getting deep, and I urge you to watch tonight's second debate between Obama/McCain... this is our future at stake...

Sarah Palin's Debate Flow Chart.. LMFAO!!

I thought I was done posting today, but I swear "some" of my coworkers are the coolest!! This diagram came from one of them and I just had to share it with everyone... ENJOY!!

Friday Flashback #3

Keeping in line with my promise to keep this rolling until the VH1 Hip Honors, here are some more flashbacks that have been honored in the past.

*side note*

Has anyone been catching the Top 100 Hip Hop Songs countdown? Okay what is the deal with naming Planet Rock at like number 30 something?? I mean hands down this was the song that started a whole generation of "rappers" and hip hop itself. How does that get left out of the top 10? A few other's I was disappointed to see such low ratings for.. My Philosophy (BDP) hands down had to be one of THE best raps ever put together.. same thing with Rakim - this hands down has to be one of the greatest lyrics I've ever heard:

I take 7 MC's put em in a line
And add 7 more brothas who think they can rhyme
Well, it'll take 7 more before I go for mine
And that's 21 MC's ate up at the same time

I mean this nucca rapped, added, multiplied and rhymed all at the same time.. how can that not be considered number one? But I digress.. here are my flashbacks!



So what if I'm a microphone fiend addicted soon as I sing - My Melody



And this one I just added because I heard it this morning.. classic banger "Couldn't get your hair done.. Now you're unhappy cause your head all nappy" ROFL!!

Biden/Palin Debate

Now you know most of my blog fam caught last night's debate as well did I, and I was extremely impressed with Biden's ability to stay on topic and answer the questions at hand. Palin on the other hand made me feel like I was watching an episode of the Simpsons with the neighbor..


Yeah... him..

What I want to share with everyone today are the links to the different websites that are posting who actually "won" the debates last night. I always see polls like this and wonder.. well who in the hell did they poll? Not me... so here's your chance to make your voice heard prior to the election. If you didn't watch the debates - then shame on you! This is one of the most important elections in over 50 years and we must watch this election closely. Whether or not you like Obama/Biden or your a firm supporter of McCain/Palin (why?) just kidding.. take some time out of your day and vote in the polls:

Excerpt provided by Move On.org

Tonight, Sarah Palin delivered her rehearsed talking points well, but that didn't sway the voters: A CBS poll of uncommitted voters shows Biden won 46% to 21%, a landslide.1 A similar CNN poll shows a 51% to 36% victory.2

Those numbers are pretty clear—Biden made a persuasive case for ending eight long years of Bush-McCain policies. And he came across as a real vice president. He had actual answers to the problems most Americans are facing right now.


But some pundits on TV are giving Palin a pass. They're saying that because her responses weren't a Katie Couric-style disaster, she won—even though voters disagree.


Can you help fight back by going to our Debate Action Center immediately? There, you can vote in the online polls that reporters are watching to judge who won. You can also write a letter to the editor of your local newspaper about why Biden looked ready for the job—and laid out a clear case for why we need Obama as president.


Click here to take action:
http://pol.moveon.org/lte?campaign_id=98&id=14154-10612501-yQ3KIJx&t=2

Move Bish...

Sorry folks.. I haven't forgotten about ya'll.. I've been busy spending all day on Two Ditzy Broads with Why Wednesday's and having a ball.. I almost forgot that I had my own blog. Some days it isn't easy to come up with a topic, but today it took me almost the entire day to come up with an idea.. so in the spirit of Why Wednesday's.. here's my own little rant..

Why my neighbor urks the hell out of me.. why did she have a new couch delivered only to leave the old one in the backyard? In our duplex there is a front yard (very small) and a large backyard where we park our cars. I live in the back of the duplex and everytime I look out of my kitchen window I see her trifling nasty soggy grandmama flowered patterned couch looking a hot mess next to my car. Why has this couch been in the backyard for over three months?? Why can't she just take the damn thing to the dump like normal people? Or better yet.. common sense would have told me to have the company dropping off the couch to take the old one.. I swear she makes me want to fight her!

It's not just the couch with her either.. we've had other issues and I've only been her neighbor for less than two years. Why did she think she could buy a dog (read pit bull puppy) and think she could keep it in the house while she went to work? Why we don't have no grass on the property? Where was the dog using the bathroom? Why we found out he was going in her home and she wasn't cleaning it up and now every time she opens her door the smell of a 100 thousand year funk comes creeping out? I swear I hate her trifling ass.. and what's worse is our front doors face each other.. every time she opens the door I close mine and have to Febreeze. I made her get rid of that mongrel a year ago, but the smell still lingers.. even after having the owner shampoo her carpets. There won't be no salvaging those nasty carpets.. hmm mmm no ma'am! They may have to rip up the floor to get to that smell. Why do I have to place up fly traps outside my front door because flies like to congregate around her puppy pound of a house?

Why hasn't anyone ever taught her about Pine Sol or comet? You cannot have 3 kids (stair steppin) and not expect to have to do three times the work - this is the reason why I only have one. I can't stand that heffa looking at me like I got it easy because I only have one child.. no bish.. it's not that I have it easy.. I just know how to close my legs!! She always walking around looking so tired.. and why her "new" man park his car in the backyard while she gets tickets on her car on the street?? Why she ain't called the old landlord to get her deposit back from him and I've already gotten mine? Why did Mr Husband tell me I ought to let her know to call him again.. why I told him HELL TO THE NAW.. told ya once - I ain't gotta tell you again about your money!

I swear common sense isn't common.. matter of fact with her it's the missing gene!