August 29, 2008

Common Sense Ain't Common...

So as my daughter is entering her first year in high school she received her schedule of classes and noticed that Mandarin was one of the classes... uh... eh? Not the orange ya'll the actual language.. now excuse my nerd for a minute, but aren't there like 50-11 Chinese dialects and Mandarin is just one of them? Okay so she's been dying to take a spanish class (Ay dios Mio) so in order to get her classes changed during the first week of school is hectic to say the least. After several emails to the counselor and sending my daughter to check and see if it had been changed several times, I finally get the counselor to change her class. She is instructed to pick up her schedule from her first period teacher.

The day comes and goes and as me and my daughter are conversating last night (after the punishment) she states that she never received the new schedule from the teacher. So I'm wondering.. Where in the hell did you go for 5th period? She said she went to her Mandarin class, but the teacher didn't have her name on the roll call... errr.... uhhh... so you just sat in a class that you know you weren't supposed to be in knowing the teacher didn't have you on the roll today and it never crossed your mind to ask the teacher for a pass to go and see the counselor?? But wait folks.. it gets funnier... she said "But Mom.. I wasn't the only one in the class who wasn't called on the roll call.. there was another kid in class and he had his schedule changed too"

Funny Animations @

So none of you brain damaged children had enough sense to get up and find out what the problem was? Sweet Minty Jesus be a set of directions to the counselor's office!! I swear that child of mine has zero negative sense!!

What would Jesus do?

Well as promised I had the "talk" with my daughter last night. It was one of those "uh oh.. damn she didn't forget" kind of conversations.. I let her know right off the bat that I don't think she's a bad child, but the path she's trying to take - I'm trying to nip in the bud so to speak. So before I begin I pull out her signed and dated "mommy contract" and have her recite a portion of the contract:

Inappropriate use of phone include:

1. Use of the phone during school hours – unless calling your mother. Please make arrangements with a teacher to let them know what type of call you are making.
2. Allowing a friends, peers or strangers to use your phone
3. Use of the phone after 9 pm (All days of the week)
4. Use of the phone prior to 8 am (Mon – Fri)
5. Calling boys with the cellular phone
6. Texting or sending inappropriate images/jokes via phone

So after she's done mumbling the words she already knew I asked her to tell me which of the rules she broke or disobeyed... and she had the nerve to say everyone of them besides number 5.. so I had to let her know that no matter what.. (cause you never know WHAT I know) to tell the truth. So after she admitted to the boys calling her and vice versa - it was time for me to lay down the WWE style "mama's" elbow and put the rules back into effect. The phone has been confiscated for a period of two weeks and she can't even use the house phone but to call 911 (Not on me though) and to call family. So after all this I give her another shot to spill some of the beans about these boys particularly Jose because she suspiciously made a comment the night before about one of her "friends" Janae going to a school called Y.E.S. (Youth Empowerment School) and wanted to know where it was located.

*break - remember the diary? Yeah well in her diary she mentions Jose (her puppy love) is attending Y.E.S.

So I ask her what school does Jose attend? If I tell you that girl looked at me with a straight face and told a bold faced lie?? "I don't know what school he goes too..."

Funny Animations @
Funny Animations @

Now I've got a new Metro phone...

Where's my switch???

Now see this is why there is a need for drive-by parenting.. I swear that driver should have pulled the car over in the middle of the road and busted one of these fa sho!!

.357 will stop they ass 24/7...

August 28, 2008

If I'm paying the bill...

Well here we are.. post number deaux! I couldn't just leave ya'll hanging until tomorrow in so much supsense as to what is going on with my daughter... so I came back to put up one more for today. She had been begging me for the past three years for her very own cellphone to the point where I even made it a school project. I had her write me a report on the pros of a cell phone for a teenager. Her pros were really convincing I must say.. she knew how hard it was to use the school phone when she needed to reach me and her friends were never very reliable for use of their phones. After much thought, I had to deny her request at age 13.. I just think it's too young.. even when I see her friends having phones since age 8 (I ain't they momma) so when she turned 14 in March - I decided now is the time to get the phone.

I'm not the type of parent to be fooled easily so the phone came with a lengthy contract.. not the Sprint or Verizon contract... Noooooo.. a MOMMA contract. I made sure it had provisions for her cell phone usage.. you know the usual do's and dont's like no boys are to call and answer my phone calls. I even made sure that I placed a clause in it that read:

"I am aware that this is a privilege that can be revoked at anytime for not following the terms of the agreement. I am also aware that my mother will and can monitor the phone for any reason to make sure above guidelines are being followed. "

*I should have been a lawyer.. lol*

So this brings me to present day.. last night as a matter of fact. My daughter had been told to go to bed (9:30 lights out damnit) so when I come up the stairs I notice that the lights are still on.. I make my usual "my momma's crazy yell" TURN OFF DEM DAMN LIGHTS!! I see the light immediately flick off as if we were in blackout.. but my mommie senses told me I wasn't done for the night.. something made me turn around and go in her room and as I did... the f'ing light from the phone was shining like a Glo Worm in the night. I told her to "Gimme the phone" and as I reached my room I tried to turn it on.. no power.. damn.. now I've got to go back.. "Gimme the damn charger" and return to my room to plug it up.

Well I'll be damned.. there's a lock on the phone so I can't access it... Oh HEEEELLL NAW... I return to her room and in a really mad voice say "Gimme the gotdayum code.. who you trying to play?" Needless to say there will be a conversation tonight about all of the boys names listed in the phone and the 7am "wake up" call from Kenneth - WTF? Shouldn't your ass be on your way to school instead of calling this girl at an ungodly hour???

Someone's in trouble.. trouble....TROUBLE!!

Drive-by Parenting 101

Oooh my first post on my very own blog... Yippee.. *looks around the room and hears crickets* Oh well even if I only get one person to read this a day will be enough for me to keep it going. My first topic will be my only child - my 14 year old daughter who has thus far been a pretty good kid. It's imperative as parents that we stay on top of our children and what they are doing (shout out to Nodays and A. Red) and so this prompted me to do a little snooping of my own. When I ran across her diary one day as it was laying out on her dresser, I looked like "Hey what's this" and before I could get the "this" out.. she ran around and snatched the book like it was Chris Brown at a Sweet 16 party. So this peaked my curiousity because whatever was in that book she was NOT trying to let me see it. Now I normally don't condone snooping on your children - UNTIL I had a teenager... WTF is in the book?? Well it took me about a week to work up the nerve (I don't know why.. I'm one of the nosiest people I've ever met) to go and locate the mysterious book again.. well needless to say it had been moved so now the search began. Through the tumultuous crap she calls her "stuff" I searched and finally found the diary.

As I read the first couple of pages through all the curse words (that girl's gonna be a sailor) and mis-spelled words (This is why kids need to have they ass in school) I found out that my daughter had kissed another boy. My first reaction was I should just rip her lips right off her face.. how you gonna cry with snot bubbles and ugly facials about your first day of school, but then turn around and think you old enough to kiss?? Hell that girl still plays with Barbies and watches the Disney channel.. (I detest the Jonas Bros - and mad I even know who they are) but the kissing really put me off guard. Then I read it.. there in plain view:

Daughter: I'm bad.. but I'm not that bad. I hope he knows that I'm not ready for sex yet and don't understand why he is.

*wipes sweat off brow and gives a woooo saw of relief*

Thank Sweet Minty Jesus (Hey IPS) and a bottle of birth control pills my baby is still that.. my baby.. a virgin and not ready yet.. and above all that she has the common sense to know she's not ready to be bullied into something. She's head strong and she gets it honestly.. my fear is that I remember what I was doing at 14 and now I've got the bubble guts all over again.